for almost half a century i've had rarest illness

or pulling over and going back on foot to recheck for dead or injured bodies naturally i long ago ceased even trying to drive

i liked the 48 one a lot it was very powerfull modified car but one night i was driving up the hill onto the Ryde bridge and the car (which was lowered so much it hardly had any suspension) hit a bump or something and i was seized with the fear the car had run over a person or animal i pulled over got out and paced up and down the rd while people looked at me eventually i satisfied myself nothing had been hit and i recall saying to myself thats lucky and drove off but unfortunatelly that was the last day i was able to drive in an anyway normal way again as similar has kept happening ever since ,this was about mid 71 it was such a sudden change and a extreme shock, slowly but surelly i came to realize i'm not normal im subnormal and i guess by now ive had this crippling condition so long i almost see it as normal so i guess ive been in and out of some sought of denial of the fact im not normal so im really in a class below mentally ill as as besyt i can see its rare for a person classed as mentally ill to be disabled as sseverelly as this

ive also often had to dismantle things and dispose of a bit at a time through fear new owner would die using it or be injured badly getting rid of things has never been a straight forward thing like it is fir other people